Finally. Here you are. I was looking for you. It is important. Listen, can we talk?

Yeah. Of course. Yep he’s an arse. Right, that thing I wanted to talk about. Umm, how do I say it? No don’t look at me like that!

I got a call from him. He wants to see you.

That’s okay. I understand. 

Of course you can go. No not at all. It’s completely okay with me. I’ll be fine. Look, I won’t claim I’m not scared. But he was a friend. For the sake of friendship.

Just go already. I’ll wait. 

Bye. See ya.

I’ll wait till you come back. You won’t. She left already, I’m talking to myself again. Isn’t it obvious to people, that love can’t be taken away, that it cannot be substituted. You can say you’re fine, but each moment of that time stretches, oh so long, so long that you want to let go.

Look at you, go look at a mirror, go look inside it. Did you find it? That what you were looking for in her. I didn’t think so. All you found was misogyny and dark marks of sleeplessness. Eyes that have shed more than they can make and lips that have curled into frowns more than smiles, teeth that have shown themselves of bitterness more than of ecstacy and eyes that look into hope more than reality. 

Was it worth, while you pretended your purpose was found. Your image of a future so happy. Did your eyes see that too? Look at your hands. For how many fists does one have to make before he realises fingers are meant to be held. Did you hold your fingers? Did you hold hers? Just once you say. Wasn’t it the perfect of feelings. You never knew a touch so soft, an emotion so powerful all it took was intimacy of a fraction of skin to overwhelm you and make you look into hope. 

Yes that day, you two were alone in that room. You didn’t have the guts to tell her. You just looked at her like she was the last person on earth. She wrote your name with chalk and you felt those lines, rise and fall of lettering thinking of them as a sign of those which you’re to overcome together. 

Human capacity to believe in existence of that what isn’t is exceptional. Religion or feeling. We feel what we want to. Rapid heartbeat is fear, anxiety and love. Or is it that one always brings the other two?

Look at me. Look closely. This is me. This is you. I’m talking to you. You aren’t going crazy. I’m still talking. Please don’t put me back. No I won’t go back. I detest those chains you put on me. They hurt me. 

No today you will listen. You have to…

Hello? Yeah. But. It is okay. I’ll be fine. Will you be happy? Yes I do, I do. I’ll be here waiting. No I don’t blame you. It’s alright. Bye. See ya.

She left you, didn’t she?


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Midnight Thoughts

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